Verbal abuse defines and denigrates the Other. It may show up in couple relationships, cyberspace, airwaves, political arenas, playgrounds, and so forth. It is a negative statement and if believed would lead you to believe that you are not who you are. Here are a few examples, "You are lazy" - "You are a wimp" - "You don't care" - "You think you're right" - "You just want to win."
It is not surprising that many women experience verbal abuse from their spouses. After all, verbal abuse defines a person and, some generations ago, many men defined women as incompetent to vote, own land, or even go to college. Nor is it surprising that the pattern of defining others extends into other arenas. It has entered the political realm with a vengeance.
Verbal abuse includes: withholding, bullying, defaming, criticizing, characterizing, trivializing, harassing, interrogating, accusing, blaming, blocking, countering, diverting, lying, berating, ordering, taunting, putting down, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling and raging.
Verbal abuse is the tool of those who attempt to have power over others, to brainwash, to coerce, or to enlist others in a cause not their own. It is either a lie told to you, about you, or about another. Whether the abuser is in a close personal relationship with the target or is a virtual stranger, verbal abusers have at least one thing in common: they invade another persons "space." That means that they behave as if they live within the target, as if they know what the target is, thinks, feels, is doing, wants, should do, will do, and so forth.
If a verbal abuser, by means of lies, threats or propaganda, attempts to enlist you to bond with him or her against someone or some group, the verbal abuser may appear to be on your side. But, in the end, verbal abuse is meant to exert power over you-power that will ultimately serve his or her purposes, not yours.
Spouses who verbally abuse their partners perpetrate harm that is deeper than physical blows.
Politicians and pundits who use others for their own purposes define and threaten those they target, and, because they can influence many, they can harm many. They define the thoughts, motives and even identity of others as readily as a batterer does. In fact, as their threats, accusations, and slanders are replayed in the media and are proliferated through the culture, verbal abuse becomes a commonality, normalized and mimicked in domestic situations.
Although verbal abuse defines others, when these defining statements are heard often enough, they seem to seep into the minds of many and to be thought of as truths. They are described as crazy making in domestic situations, or as a kind of brainwashing. And they are lies. They can be recognized as such. No one knows what anyone thinks, feels, wants, is trying to do, or is doing unless they are told by that person.
As with domestic verbal abuse the political verbal abuser can be recognized by words spoken, and, very importantly, by innuendo, that is, what the verbal abuser implies.
VERBAL ABUSE TELLS YOU WHAT YOU ARE, ARE TRYING TO DO, MUST DO, MUST NOT DO, ARE DOING, THINKING, WANTING, ETC. OR IT TELLS YOU WHAT OTHERS ARE, ARE TRYING TO DO, ETC.
The domestic verbal abuser to the partner: You're a bitch
The political verbal abuser to the world: He's the anti-Christ.
The domestic verbal abuser to the partner: You're a whore.
The political verbal abuser to the world: He's a communist.
The domestic verbal abuser to the partner: You're trying to start a fight.
The political verbal abuser to the world: He's trying to take your life.
The domestic verbal abuser to the partner: Do this or I'll....
The political verbal abuser to the world: He'll pay for this.
The domestic verbal abuser to the partner: You want to ruin things.
The political verbal abuser to the world: He wants to take everything from you.
The domestic verbal abuser to the partner: Don't air the dirty laundry.
The political verbal abuser to the world: He's just a whiner.
The domestic verbal abuser to the partner: You're working at turning our son into a wimp.
The political verbal abuser to the world: he's seeking, pursuing, a path that punishes achievement.
If the verbal abuser can replace your certainty, and self-perception, with lies then your freedom, the right to choose, is thwarted dissolving into confusion and fear. The verbal abuser and the terrorist both have taken a stand against freedom.
What makes domestic verbal abusers risk the dissolution of their relationships in order to continue their abusive behavior? They have lost so much of themselves, their human qualities of empathy, emotional intelligence and more. The lost self is projected into their partner. Then, if their partner can't "be" the rest of them-fill the void-match their projection, they respond either covertly or overtly with verbal abuse.
What makes political verbal abusers perpetrate lies, innuendos, threats and other verbal attacks on others. They seem compelled to bond together against certain groups to gain power over them. As we have seen throughout human history, they define whole peoples, attempting to silence the very voices that could awaken them. By such bonding, gangs are formed, dictators gain power, and wars begin. The political verbal abuser appears to act with artful, purposeful intent, with every word and metaphor vetted for shock value in a planned verbal assault-lies geared to incite the same fear and confusion the batterer generates.
In contrast, those who are connected to others in empathy bond together for, rather than against the Other. They stand for truth and stand by those who are diminished, defined and attacked. They are whistle blowers.
Verbal abuse assaults one's mind, one's consciousness, and one's soul. Attempts to erase the mind of another, to misinform the other, or to coerce the other is an assault upon freedom. When a verbal abuser wields power or weapons, chaos can erupt.
And last but not least, the assaults of verbal abuse leave the target feeling depressed, confused fearful and often physically ill.
AUTHOR: Patricia Evans http://www.verbalabuse.com
Find Out More about verbal abuse which is the hidden side of domestic violence. Verbal Abuse can be worse than physical violence. Words can slam consciousness, erase perception and sicken people both emotionally and physically. And, amazingly most people have no name for what is happening to them! Many people think that verbal abuse is cussing and swearing and name-calling. Few realize that withholding, countering, judging, accusing, criticizing, and so forth are all verbally abusive.
The Verbal Abuse web site ushers in a new millennium of increased awareness. It reflects our growing knowledge of verbal abuse--one of the worst forms of abuse anyone can experience in any on-going relationship or association. In verbally abusive relationships, the intent of one party may be to solve the problem, while the intent of the other is to dominate and control. One may be seeing mutuality while the other is seeking superiority. One may be seeking power with the other, while the other may be seeking power over the other. Often perpetrators are acting from unconscious compelling forces of which they know little.
Private phone consultations are available, as well as a free newsletter, articles and important links to video, and audio. Each of the four books on verbal abuse and control reveals about a quarter of what people dealing with verbal abuse say is essential to their recovery be they perpetrators or targets. Titles of the books are below. They cover the dynamics of verbal abuse, why abusers define others and what to do about it. Learn more. Read more. Share more.
See more - http://www.VerbalAbuse.com
Patricia Evans
BOOKS:
THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
VERBAL ABUSE SURVIVORS SPEAK OUT
CONTROLLING PEOPLE
THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE MAN CAN HE CHANGE
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